Have you ever try to type something into your blog and found no words in your mind? But once you get away from your pc, you have tons of things to share, to bitch, to whine and to trash? AhhHh, then I'm not alone. Haha.

Something interesting to know, the word bitch means:

1. a female dog
2. to complain
3. something difficult or someone who is difficult

Wow... I didn't know to bitch about something is to complain about something, I always thought it's to gossip. However, the word gossip has a more terrible meaning:

1. talk or writing about the private affairs of other people, especially when the comments are nasty, spiteful or untrue.
2. to gossip is to talk about the private affairs of others, especially in a nasty or critical way.

Double wow there. I thought gossip is simply just talking behind people's back and nothing serious. I mean gossip can really hurt people. Eeks!

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I think I'm going mad. Sometimes I feel I can do all things with strength but sometimes I just want to cover myself up in my bed and sleep all day and all night. I wonder what really ticks me off and makes me sad or why am I throwing temper so frequently nowadays.

Yes, I like to distance myself away from people. Yes, I want to be alone and mourn for god knows what. And yes, I find myself cry when alone.

And then, I feel utterly stupid from all these issues. Therefore, I like to distance myself from everyone including my friends. Now I just want to cover myself up in darkness alone for I feel so ashame when I have these emotions.

But what a joke, I feel other people is okay to feel all these emotions. Anyone but me. Ego or high expectation?

Just how to love myself more? Just how to let go? Just how is it people think it's easy? All the crap and talks. Oh boy, now I'm judging other people.

I feel guilty, horrified and tired.

ii will always believe... 6/04/2010 11:40:00 PM